She's a little bit crazy...

Often times I can't help but wonder how my friends introduce me.  You when the person who you've known for a long time meets your current lunch partner... after you introduce them and your friend leaves there's usually some sort of explanation of your friendship with the person followed by a describing phrase.

I would bet that some people would say, "That's Marisa, she's kind of crazy..." This doesn't really bother me, I'd be the first to admit I often feel crazy. And truly, in some people's view, I am indeed absolutely crazy.

I book plane tickets to foreign lands where I've never been, don't speak the language to live with people I've never met, with no money or consistent income to sustain me - all because "God told me to go." For some this would seem crazy, for me - it's normal.

Over the last 4 years of this journey as a missionary with YWAM I have come to find that the adjectives: average, typical, normal, predictable, and down-to-earth are not satisfactory.  In fact, to be considered any of these would cause more damage to my "ego" than being called crazy, insane, maybe even foolish.  This sounds ridiculous and immature I'm sure, but then again, there's this part that is true. A part deep inside of you that leaps at the thought of taking risks, leaps of faith, to try what has been deemed "impossible." Everyone craves the adventure, the change to do something out of the ordinary and spectacular. It's so easy to see in the media with every film these days having to do with living largely, supernaturally, or answering some call to action beyond the everyday normality of life.

And that is what I have done, by the free and "no strings attached" favor of The Most High God - I have given away the "right" to a "normal-every-day-life" and am now living in crazy world. One where I have to rely on God to keep me alive, to provide for me, guide me, protect me, and give me wisdom enough to make a difference in other people's lives on the way. Thing is, although I've been doing this for several years, I still wouldn't say I've got it down or am any good at it. It's true that some parts of this lifestyle - like not freaking out when I have no money in the bank, am halfway around the world and am out of groceries - have become much easier.  Yet others I still struggle with.

In the last couple weeks I have been battling a question of theology. I have given my life, my name, my everything to these God of whom I so dearly love and serve - and yet these days I am struggling with this, "what are the true facts about Jesus?" questions.  There's no getting around it, no hiding them.  It's just me being real, being raw, transparent and happy to say that even though I'm crazy enough to live in foreign nations where I have to build a source of clean water, travel an hour to have electricity or fast for a couple days because the food is not edible - I still am working through what I believe at times too. It's not an easy season and honestly, the temptation is to be my own critic and begin questioning what I've been doing. However, I have seen far too much and experienced the Love of God in my life too strongly to ever question His Being.

I am called here, I will remain here until directed elsewhere. I trust the living God is true, that He's worthy and that I am chosen for such a time as this to be a part of His story on this earth. At the end of the day, that's where I stand and it is unwavering. Though how it looks seems a bit crazy at times. 

The Most Mysterious Wonder found in all creation

Words transcribed onto the white, blank palette. 

Standing upon the edge of unknown. 

Few can utter a more fragrant offering, 

"Jesus, You Are Worthy!" 

Caught up in a moment. 

Face to face with the most Mysterious Holiness. 

An echo returns whispering, 

"Beloved, Your Beauty Outshines Terra's Wonders. 

At This Moment, You Are The Masterpiece On Display!" 

My heart stalls in humbled awe 

of this wonder called 

"Salvation" 

A look over the back trails of Waipi'o Valley, Hawai'i.  

Two hours earlier this had been crystal clear, looking out across the most stunning valleys and far in the distance a glimpse of the Pacific. But such a grande view only paled in comparison to the reminder of an Identity Rooted in The One God. The Creator of All. The One who knows every part of me, my story, my most awesome moments and the most terrible failures.

Through the wonder of Salvation I can boldly proclaim His Glory - with my head held high, arms outstretched, and voice unwavering - it is my greatest joy to Declare He Is Alone Worthy. 

I was moved to tears today, looking over the majestic valley that (even teeming with life, color, and glory as it was) He still considered this bare-footed, broken vessel, His "Masterpiece."  For years Isaiah 61 has resounded in my heart, a promise of wholeness, healing, and purpose.  Standing at the cliff's limit I was reminded of a crown of beauty that rests upon my brow.  That the ashes prove testing and that, mixed with living water, bring a wholeness-balm to the painfully cracked places.

I am undone. 

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Isaiah 61

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, 2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favorand the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. 4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. 5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. 6 And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. 7 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. 8 "For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them. 9 Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed." 10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. 11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations."