This is so hard to wrap my head around. That the Perfect God would choose such an unworthy and messed up little girl to go into all the world, representing Him. Umm? It's true that He uses the lowly to confound the wise...
The words of Paul when writing to the Corinthians have never been so real and applicable to my life as they are in these days.
"Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” [1 Corinth 1:26-31]
And so it is true - all that I have done, has not been of me. It's been by His great grace, power, strength and mercy that I can even begin to tell you the stories of my life. That I have personally seen people's hearts that once were stone hard, turn to the Lord and receive a life free of the cares of this world, in a few minutes of speaking. Or participating in miraculous physical healing around the world where broken bones are mended, backs straightened, wounds healed, pain leaves, and the dead come back to life - by laying down all of my plans/dreams for my life, and looking foolish in the world's eyes. Do you realize how foolish it looks to see someone get hurt and instead of immediately getting pain killers, you ask if you can pray. And yet my tables are flipped, and now I have come to see how foolish it is to NOT go and pray for the person who's broken leg is terribly painful - when you know that you are the representative of the God who Heals. If the person is miraculously healed they thank you and will listen to the message you carry, if they aren't healed some will still listen - and others will roll their eyes, let you know that you are a "fool," and request pain medications!
Or how about looking foolish when God tells you to go live in a different country when you have no money in the bank, and no job. So you do it and the day you arrive have to tell your landlord that you have no money, but you know the rent will be paid. Then the day before rent is due random strangers come up to you individually and give you enough for the rent - to the dollar. Now who is foolish? The one who went without, or the one who says "when you give me enough money I'll go"? But in which lifestyle will He get more glory?
And how foolish does it seem for the God of all nations, people, all power and authority, to choose and call me. A 22 year old girl, from a broken family, who hasn't completed university, has no formal training or certifications other than CPR, no paying profession - to go into all the world and represent Him. Using me to teach elders and chiefs of nations, to enlighten the educated with greater understanding and knowledge, to sit with the dying and give them peace, to love and care for those who have killed your brothers and sisters, to play with the children who no one wants, to lead slaves into a freedom that cannot be taken away, to inspire and challenge others to pursue God above all other pursuits. And not just to do it - but to be effective and influential, earning position and acknowledgement that I am not worthy of.
Who cares about position? It is better to look foolish in the sight of my friends and family and to follow the call of my God - that He may truly receive ALL the glory, all the honor. I know His Kingdom will be established on this earth, that He desperately desires relationship will all men and women; I know He'll have this whether I accept His "mission" or not - but if I could participate, and advance His kingdom... what an honor! And what a joy to have such a relationship with Him. That He would love me so much to use me, even in my most broken and foolish looking state, to be and Ambassador of Him; and I, in awesome love, only want to show Him off. To show just how Great, Merciful and Loving He truly is - that by joining His mission I could give Him what He wants most. Relationship with you. You see, it's no longer about me and my life - although I am ever aware of my short comings and failures, I am completely content in laying down every part of the life I could have by walking away and choosing something easier. But He is too great, too amazing, and it is so worth introducing this God I serve, to others. Laying down my comforts, my rights, my desires and plans to see His kingdom advance in the most unlikely of places - it can't be compared. The latter far outweighs the "normal" and "average" life that I could have lived.
So here I am, a messy and imperfect, young woman who has chosen to accept the calling to live a life out of the ordinary. A life that would be difficult, impossible by human means at time, but more satisfying and filled with a clearly defined purpose. Not living up to the "standards" of this world, and yet exceeding the dreams of many by simply following the voice of a God whose love is unmatchable and whose plans are incomparable.
So is it foolish, or is it brilliant?