Often times I can't help but wonder how my friends introduce me. You when the person who you've known for a long time meets your current lunch partner... after you introduce them and your friend leaves there's usually some sort of explanation of your friendship with the person followed by a describing phrase.
I would bet that some people would say, "That's Marisa, she's kind of crazy..." This doesn't really bother me, I'd be the first to admit I often feel crazy. And truly, in some people's view, I am indeed absolutely crazy.
I book plane tickets to foreign lands where I've never been, don't speak the language to live with people I've never met, with no money or consistent income to sustain me - all because "God told me to go." For some this would seem crazy, for me - it's normal.
Over the last 4 years of this journey as a missionary with YWAM I have come to find that the adjectives: average, typical, normal, predictable, and down-to-earth are not satisfactory. In fact, to be considered any of these would cause more damage to my "ego" than being called crazy, insane, maybe even foolish. This sounds ridiculous and immature I'm sure, but then again, there's this part that is true. A part deep inside of you that leaps at the thought of taking risks, leaps of faith, to try what has been deemed "impossible." Everyone craves the adventure, the change to do something out of the ordinary and spectacular. It's so easy to see in the media with every film these days having to do with living largely, supernaturally, or answering some call to action beyond the everyday normality of life.
And that is what I have done, by the free and "no strings attached" favor of The Most High God - I have given away the "right" to a "normal-every-day-life" and am now living in crazy world. One where I have to rely on God to keep me alive, to provide for me, guide me, protect me, and give me wisdom enough to make a difference in other people's lives on the way. Thing is, although I've been doing this for several years, I still wouldn't say I've got it down or am any good at it. It's true that some parts of this lifestyle - like not freaking out when I have no money in the bank, am halfway around the world and am out of groceries - have become much easier. Yet others I still struggle with.
In the last couple weeks I have been battling a question of theology. I have given my life, my name, my everything to these God of whom I so dearly love and serve - and yet these days I am struggling with this, "what are the true facts about Jesus?" questions. There's no getting around it, no hiding them. It's just me being real, being raw, transparent and happy to say that even though I'm crazy enough to live in foreign nations where I have to build a source of clean water, travel an hour to have electricity or fast for a couple days because the food is not edible - I still am working through what I believe at times too. It's not an easy season and honestly, the temptation is to be my own critic and begin questioning what I've been doing. However, I have seen far too much and experienced the Love of God in my life too strongly to ever question His Being.
I am called here, I will remain here until directed elsewhere. I trust the living God is true, that He's worthy and that I am chosen for such a time as this to be a part of His story on this earth. At the end of the day, that's where I stand and it is unwavering. Though how it looks seems a bit crazy at times.
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