Wednesday, October 31, 2012

There Must Be More

I am ruined.
My heart is not satisfied with anything but intimacy with God.
The Father, The Groom, The Guide and Comforter.

In the last few weeks I have become exceedingly aware of the desperate condition of my heart. I must have more of Him. I cannot go on without His living breath as my oxygen, His heartbeat striking mine to movement, without His eyes to see the world. I am finding the separation created by time in class to be nearly unbearable because my heart so desires to be spending those hours in the temple of worship and prayer.

I am convicted.

My heart is starving and only God can fill me up, yet my sight is distracted.
He is Patience, He is Grace, He is Mercy.

You see, I've found that everything I want and need is found in the place of intimacy with God. Being in communion and living out every moment in the fullness of His presence. To minister out of my own depths, to give wisdom out of understanding, knowledge from revelation, glory from glory... I cannot pretend to give out of my own uninspired well. All that I give, I must give out of the depths of my relationship with my Lord, my God. While in the internship at IHOP-KC I spent hours every morning simply sitting at the foot of His throne humbled by His greatness and constantly refreshed with new revelation, understanding, and vision. But now, I feel there is a great lacking. Is it the technical fact that I am not setting hours apart each day with Him? Or is it that I am not positioning my heart at the foot of His throne every day? Maybe there is some of both.

I am hungry.

My soul thirsts for Him, My flesh faints for Him, and all that I am cries out for more.
The One who is, and was, and is to be.

I cannot go on without a change. I must find the balance which is really not, that creates a positioning of my heart and body into the place of intimacy. To be constantly learning and receiving truth from the Lord; to be continually seeking and finding; to know the man that is God, that is Jesus Christ; to act under the authority and direction of the Spirit who was and is with the God of all gods, the Great I AM. On and on I could go, but my heart is not satisfied in simply explaining my condition - while knowing where one is, is important, it must be followed by action and thus, I must that this to heart and find myself kneeling before His throne. Broken, with a humbled and contrite heart - desperate for intimacy with Him. The King. My Father. My Best Friend. My Beloved One. My God. My Lord.

Isaiah 63 ~ Love Always

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